Unrequited love makes you feel horrible at times, and it sucks.
By Savvvy Team
March 19th, 2022
Wake up call! There are people in this world who will only ever think from their ego.
Remember that staying in any unhealthy relationship does not show your commitment and loyalty to the other person but shows your unhealthy habit of codependency and addicted behaviours with others and neglecting yourself.
For a majority of us most of our hurt and pain with our mental health comes from the feeling of not feeling good enough, the unrequited love thing is real.
Before we get into ways to take back control of your mental health let me share a few things with you as we all have a story (or stories). If you like a quick overview here is the list.
Here are 5 ways to take back control of your mental health:
1. Stay committed to yourself
2. Set boundaries
3. Join a support group
4. Health is your new wealth
5. Letting go
The best way we learn is by learning from others. And so, I am hoping to achieve that less people make the same mistakes others have made and save themselves from unnecessary hurt and trauma.
Some people unfortunately people themselves in a position where they realize that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I had to tell that person you are good with what you have now. I decided to be done with an 11 year uncommitial relation(shit) where I learned a lot about myself.
But, there was no more trying with him as I stopped trying with myself. I became part of an SLAA group so when I feel down about the addition and codependency I tend to have with unrequited love, fantasies, and an unhealthy expectation of relationships I have a place to go to.
Of course, if you are with someone who is in a relationship where it is a give and take then great. But I am talking about the ones where you get minima, if that, close to nothing of what you put into a relationship. Sadly, many of us continue to stay and take these betrayers back time and time again only stabbing ourselves in the back each and every time.
We are all facing some type of heartbreak at some point in our lives and the most painful type of hurt is the one not coming from yourself.
I managed to get myself into a relation(shit) that was never a relationship other than casual hookups, going to his place and sitting all the way on the opposite end of the couch while a movie or show was playing. I slept in one room and he slept on the couch. I never felt good enough or put myself in situations where I knew better.
Now, do I believe in magic. I'd like to say I do. And with saying that I felt as if some negative magic was done to keep me feeling stuck in a connection I no longer choose to keep myself connected to because how else can I explain it - I was weak in the knees.
There are many times we wish to move on from the people that are no longer bringing us peace or serving us. People lie and energy does not. It sucks to know the truth without ever begin told but just feeling it. We tend to put a blind-eye to what is happening around us and live in our own reality, in our own made up story that if told to another person may make you sound ludicrous.
I seemed to always drive to him, that was a 2 hour drive that I would then continue to do on/off for about 3 years. I eventually got sick and tired of begin sick and tired of driving to this man child day in and day out. Don't get me wrong there was always food involved and that counted for a lot.
But it just was not enough. We never spoke about "us", or about really much anything that actually mattered to me for a long enough period of time to actually get to know him. It's crazy to say that you can know someone for so many years and still not know who they are.
We become confused many times and overthink about something that we already know or have the answer too if we "wake up", and just look up. The truth hurts and most time we tend to run from it. I know that the situation I got myself into was not a good one and would continue to keep giving me the same results. The crazy part is that I know it will not work out but I keep going back. This man child will never be satisfied with just one women. And there are men out there like this and that's fine. Not everyone is meant to be in a one-person-for-the-rest-of-my-life type of relationship.
I am a HUGE believer in manifestation. But only if the manifestation feels right. And this person never felt right even when I kept manifesting him back. I only kept getting the same results-no commitment.
I needed to start making that commitment to myself knowing that I could not expect anyone else to take me as seriously as I took myself.
The 11 years was a wake up call to not allow another 11 years to go by with the same shit I kept getting. I do not know much, yet close to anything, but all I do know is that karma is a bitch, and a really great friend of mine (we go way back).
I have to trust and believe that justice will be served for the person who did me wrong whether unconsciously and consciously.
I am not perfect by no means, but there comes a time where the weakness of consciously seeing the good in people after I get screwed over time and time again takes a huge blow on your self-esteem. I knew the ending would eventually have to come and it was not going to be easy.
The back and forth got a bit too much. But, goodness I always kept hope even up til the last day I decided to end things with him for good. I did not chose to believe it but writing it down and allowing myself to be gentle and not so mean with myself to allow anyone to waste any more of my life.
This was not the life I envisioned and so I made the decision to do whatever it was I had to do to erase him out of my life for good. I almost ended up taking my own life a few times.
The feeling of the ego thinking it will never be good enough, to allow the pain to drown out or get ride of it forever. I did not trust myself enough to give me the things I knew I deserved.
You get to the point that you are so mad at yourself. Just wanting to be ontop of a hill far far away from civilisation just to be able to yell out all your frustrations out into the world.
Give it all back to the world. Tell it to take it from you. You no longer want to deal with the "fake" people of this world and only deal with those who fill up your vibration and support your dreams and peace and does not disturb it.
I believe that the last message I sent him he probably did not think that would be the last one.
I mean why would he when I have said this over and over again within the past decade. I think my turning point came when I was laying in the middle of the side walk somewhere in Austin Texas drunk and curled up on the street hysterically crying my eyes out calling him 30 times and him not answering.
He took about a month to return that call. And, I still came back like nothing ever happened. Writing this and reading this makes me upset at myself. But I can't be too harsh considering I needed to be patient and learn how to heal instead of put down myself, one person was enough I did not need to add me ontop of all the hurt.
Oh boy was I hurting, it was a few months before that Texas incident that I had my abortion. I wanted to keep the baby but I did not want to raise the baby on my own (but how many other parents have that choice).
I do not regret my decision, however, I am upset that I once again put myself in a position where I laid down with a man-child who was not ready to take care of his responsibilities. I sent him the pictures of the test and he responded back with "we have to take care of that ASAP".
I broke down. I never saw myself having kids. And this was a big wake up call. I kept contemplating whether I was going to keep the baby and my ex at the time (who was literally my rock at the time) helped me emotionally at one of the worst moments in my life.
I did not feel him judge me and I thought he would never want to speak to me after I told him. He supported me with the abortion and the time I was looking for a sexual escape and chose wrong again by begin tempted.
I am tied of begin tired. I am sick of begin sick of unrequited love. I no longer accept anything that will no longer serve me.
I needed to sit down with myself and have a long, but hard conversation with myself about the changes that I needed to make and that first started with a commitment to myself.
A commitment to not only say no to people who are not there for me for a greater good and positively supporting me, but to say no so fast that they did not even have a chance to speak. A commitment to say no and leave it there.
To not look back, to keep moving forward, to not allow the fantasies of what could be or what could happen (if it is not already happening take that as your sign).
Writing this was not an easy task and I was not ready to make that change but that was like the same thing as me quitting cigarettes, it just happened without me thinking or telling myself I was trying to quit-it just happened.
I will be able to settle for the ghost of the person and leave them in my memory. I am ready to accept an unwavering type of love. A love that is reciporated, a love that is not lustful, a love that has no wandering eyes.
I had a dream sometime in between the Austin trip and a few months after speaking again with man-child. I kept asking myself (consciously & unconsciously) why is he not letting me know he wants to commit, or why was it just staying stuck like it was, no movement, same cycle of friends with benefit type relation(shit).
The dream was me grabbing his face trying to eat his eyeballs out. I interpreted it as he likes what he sees and his eyes is what gets him in trouble. But, is that not most men?
The grass is not always greener on the other side, and once you cross it you better be prepared to not come back especially if you catch yourself in quicksand you may never be able to get back to the other side. A lot of men and women think this way and a reason why people cheat. But when you cheat you are literally risking and putting everything about that relationship on the line and that you do not care.
You do not care and feeding your ego and lustful nature is more important to you. It actually says a lot about a person. If only guys treat their women like they treat their cars. I feel like most of us tend to suffer for our goals. And there may be times where we feel as if we must retreat or the pain is too much and unbearable but you were so close, so close to coming out of it.
Our struggles is what pushes us to become a better version of ourselves. However, we tend to do this in waves. Sometimes we are in, sometimes we are out. Taking care of our mental state of well-begin is important to live the lives we ot to give ourselves. This is why I decided to suggest my top 5 recommendations on how to get back to the better, elevated, happier version of you.
Here are 5 ways to take back control of your mental health:
1.Stay committed to yourself
Become more assertive and affirmative with yourself. We not only tend to be too hard on ourselves but give ourselves less than what we deserves. We normally all do this so there is no reason to be hard on yourself especially when others are not so nice and take advantage.
Do not allow yourself to take advantage of yourself. Take time to allow the anger that has built up to be used as your driving force to become determined to stick to your boundaries.
2. Set boundaries
And become committed to your boundaries. Many of us do not even carry boundaries let alone have them. You can not expect people to treat you any different when you have no boundaries at hands and then come up with how people are able to treat you out of the blue.
Make it a habit to set boundaries that sets you up for surrounding yourself with like-minded people and your higher self. We tend to know this as we are intuitive begins. Just do not make any compromises or exceptions.
3. Join a support group
We all have our issues and many of them are not able to become solved all on our own. Becoming part of like-minded people who are there to support one another is imperative into getting back to yourself and in a happier place.
It is okay to not be okay, just make sure you have people there despite the fact that we all know no one else can be there for yourself like yourself.
4. Health is your new wealth
What we do on a daily basis has a much bigger impact than what we put off to the side. The food you eat effects your mental health, awareness, and overall physical health as well. Exercising and staying fit is important to keep your mind and body balance when everything else feels shaken up.
Try incorporating new routines or keeping consistency into your life. We are dependent on our body to take on daily task each and every day and even taking some time out the day for mindful meditation could be exactly what you need.
5. Letting go
Sometimes the best way to get yourself back together is by letting go of the things you are not able to control (which is most things in our life). By letting go does not mean forgetting about it or giving up, it's about allowing the higher power to take control.
Try talking to a professional, friends, family or taking the time to start on a journal and writing things down for yourself.
Letting go of people that are not longer serving us is never easy. You have built that emotional connection, but, those emotions may not be healthy or serve you for your greater good. It is important to be aware of this and let go of those things that are keeping you feeling blocked and un-alive.
Start taking back control of the life you dream of and deserve. Starting removing the bad and expecting more from yourself. Give yourself the patience you will need to continue on this journey.
